


Flight Risk

by orphan_account



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 02:02:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11841663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It takes a lot to get Zhang Yixing to give up you."What if one day you forget about me?""Oh darling, what if I don't?"





	Flight Risk

"You can't just tell me to leave!"

You were crying. But then, so was he.

The sky was falling, disintegrating into fractured drops of the sad reality the two of you had dreamt away for so long. It was fitting. Yes, it was fitting that it would rain, that it would pour, that it would thunder and lightning and scream as your relationship fell apart.

_Looks like we're in for some turbulence. Please fasten your seatbelts and remain seated until the cabin light goes off._

Yixing couldn't even look at you. "Just go," he choked out, his voice strained with barely-restrained sobs. You didn't move. Couldn't move. His tear-glazed eyes slid over to you, to your face, and you almost broke down. "Just go, Y/N."

He sounded tired. Tired, and absolutely done with you.

_So this is how it ends. A crash, right into the ocean, where we drown._

You were helpless to do anything. You kept swallowing, over and over, trying to dispel the tears that shredded any dignity you had. Yixing had always been the sort to comfort you when you cried. But not now. Not this time.

And that made you want to cry harder.

"Baby, please..." you whispered. "Please. Please don't give up on us. Please give me another chance."

Yixing shook his head at that, and you saw him grip the kitchen table with considerable force, until his knuckles turned white. "So what?" He asked. "So you can be gone all the time? So I can sit at home without you, while you're halfway across the world?" He shook his head again. More and more tears fell from your eyes, and your face twisted as you begged your eyes to stop betraying you like this. Yixing wouldn't look at you. He stared down at the wood of the kitchen table,  _his_ kitchen table, in  _his_ apartment, where you'd been living since your lease had been up a year before.

And now he was kicking you out. 

"Do you even care?" He asked hollowly. You opened your mouth to say,  _yes, more than anything, yes, I love you,_ but the words caught in your throat. You couldn't breathe. After all this time, how could he think you didn't care? How could he think-- after everything the two of you had been through-- that this didn't matter to you?

Did he think you'd forgotten when you'd met? Did he think you'd forgotten the way he'd smiled and you'd stuttered? The way he'd stuttered in return?

Did he think you'd forgotten your first date? When he'd showed up three minutes late and had apologized so profusely that you couldn't stop laughing? Did he think you'd forgotten the way he'd blushed?

Did he think you'd forgotten the way he was your first everything? First kiss, first boyfriend, first time making love? Did he think that all meant nothing to you?

How could he even ask you if you cared, after all of that?

He mistook your silence for apathy. "Don't rush to say it all at once," he spat. You started to shake.  _Say something,_ you yelled at yourself.  _Anything._ It was your job, wasn't it, to use your voice? To soothe and cajole your passengers into following protocol? Shouldn't you know what to say?

Maybe you should. But you didn't.

"That's it," Yixing said, and it wasn't a snarl, or a curse, but a sigh. Your eyes jerked into his, and you saw that he didn't hate you, could never hate you. But he couldn't love you either.

Not anymore.

"It's for the best," he said. "This ends tonight." He looked away, like he couldn't bear your gaze. You hoped the weight of your stare would make him change his mind.

"Baby, please." Your voice was barely audible, but you knew he heard. He always heard you.

But today, he just wasn't listening.

"Get out, Y/N," he said, and he stared at his hands. Slowly, he released the table. You felt all of the air leave your lungs.  _Stop crying,_ you told yourself.  _Stop crying. Stop fucking crying._ "Get out, and please, if you love me, don't come back."

You closed your eyes.

_Boom. Crash._

_And we drown._

* * *

Singapore saw you at your worst. It saw the numb, the catatonic, the apocalyptic. You stared down at the pinpricks of light below and thought to yourself,  _I deserve this._ You'd never been good at expressing your emotions. And it had finally cost you.

"Y/N?" One of your fellow flight attendants approached you timidly that next night, the very night after Yixing had thrown you out of his life and begged you not to come back. "You look like you're about to cry," she said. "Your eyes are... dead."

You rose from your seat at the front of the plane. "Anyone need any refills?" You asked as you stalked down the aisle and away from your co-worker. Your voice was sweet as cherry pie. Before anyone could say anything, the plane jerked a tiny bit, and it was only your practiced legs and well-earned balance that kept you from falling onto the lap of an elderly man.

The scratch of the intercom resounded in the cabin. "Looks like we're in for some turbulence," your co-worker said. "Please fasten your seatbelts and remain seated until the cabin light goes off."

You made your way back to the cabin to sit next to her.

She didn't comment on your eyes again.

* * *

Thailand saw your anger. You slammed the beer bottle back down on your cart after refilling the woman's glass, not noticing the way she flinched or even the way some of the remaining liquor splashed onto your standard-issue blouse. You mumbled some bullshit phrase bidding the woman goodbye and then pushed your cart back up to the front of the plane.

You thought to yourself, I _don't deserve this._

Your co-worker was silent. She wanted to ask if you were okay.

Instead, she slipped her lucky penny in your pocket when you weren't looking and hoped you would feel better soon.

* * *

Japan saw a mixture of things in you. The anger was there, oh yes, the fire, the rage, the fury.  _How dare he decide that we're over?_ _How DARE he decide how I feel about him? Fuck him! If he decides I don't love him, then I guess I don't fucking love him, then!_ But there was also grief. You couldn't help but miss everything about him, and the angrier you got, the more apparent it got to you that you cared.  _If only he could see me now..._

You knew your work was suffering from your emotional turmoil. Your co-workers had been overly gracious once you'd explained that your long-time boyfriend had dumped you, but weeks kept passing and passing, and two months later, you were still a disaster, but their pity was almost gone.

"Y/N..." Your co-worker-- her name was Lisa-- pulled you aside after you'd landed, after all of the passengers had left the plane. Some of your other co-workers had left to, to check into their hotel rooms and get some sleep before rising early the next day for your flight back to China. "Y/N, I know it's not exactly my place, but... you really need to get it together, sweetie."

You stared at her. What the hell? What the  _he--_

"Please don't get upset!" Lisa said quickly, and her eyes were wide. You noticed that she took a small step back, like you were going to take a swing at her. You faltered.

_Am I really that irritable?_ You thought to the time a week ago when you'd almost decked an elderly man for accidentally brushing his walker against your bum.  _... Yes._

"I'm sorry," you sighed, and you brought a hand to your temple. "I'm sorry, it's just--"

"Your boyfriend. I know." Lisa's voice was understanding. It occurred to you that she was just about the only person who seemingly wasn't fed up with your shit yet. You wondered how long it would take her to crack. You gave her about three more weeks before she took a frying pan to your skull.

"Ex-boyfriend." Maybe two.

Lisa nodded. "Sorry," she said, and she sounded like she genuinely meant it. "Ex." There was a pause. "Y/N, would you like to come to my room tonight?" She asked. "I know we don't know each other that well, but... well, all the other girls are scared of you, and I'm worried you might get fired if you keep on like this." Another pause. "And I don't want you to get fired."

You were touched. For the first time since Thailand, you felt your anger start to ebb, only a little bit. Little. "I'm sorry..." your voice was trailing off, "but, why?" The two of you weren't exactly friends.

You didn't exactly  _have_ friends. You had acquaintances, yes, and you were always the life of every party, but people you let into your heart? No. You were too terrible at expressing your feelings for that. Until you'd met Yixing back in school, you'd been mostly alone. It had never bothered you-- that is, until you'd known there was another way. Not only had Yixing shown you what love was like, but his friends had showed you the value of friendship and camaraderie too. Now, you were without all of them.

Lisa tucked her hair behind her ear nervously. "I'm not sure," she said honestly. "I just, feel like we could be friends. Is that crazy?"

She hesitated, looking at you like she half-expected you to laugh in her face.  _Am I seriously THAT miserable?_

You shook yourself. Yes. Yes, you were. You forced a smile. It wasn't half as painful as you'd thought it'd be. 

"Not at all," you said. Lisa smiled brightly and grabbed your jacket and hers. You thought of Yixing as he left the plane. Him, he was probably already over you. He'd always been the better-looking one in the relationship, and he had loads of friends. You were sure he was better off without you.

_Well, if he's better off without me,_ you thought firmly,  _then I'm better off without him._

Then, you followed Lisa out of the plane.

* * *

In Taiwan, it was Lisa's idea.

The two of you were drunk off her hotel room's mini bar, swapping stories and talking shit about each other's ex-boyfriends. You both lay on her bed, tangled up in each other, still wearing your flight attendant uniforms. You were in the middle of a rampage about how stupid her ex-- who had left her around the same time Yixing had left you (she'd taken it MUCH better than you had)-- was when she said it.

"You should totally call him," she said. She sounded so serious that you stopped mid-rant and turned your head to look at her.

"Who?" you asked. The two of you had quickly become friends. With Lisa, it was like all of your inability to express your emotions was gone. She'd seen you cry, seen you rant, seen you overshare and spill your guts, and never had she judged you for it. It was half a year after your break-up with Yixing, and things didn't hurt as much as they used to. Maybe that was why you stupidly asked, "Your ex?"

Lisa laughed and smacked your arm. "No," she giggled. "Yixing. Tell him he's an asshole." She giggled again. "From Lisa."

You couldn't help but giggle too. "He's not an asshole," you said, and you meant it. Things didn't hurt as much as they used to, but they still hurt. And yet, you weren't as angry any more. Yixing had been wrong to cut you out of his life without talking to you about his feelings. You understood that he'd felt abandoned. You couldn't blame him for it. With you flying around the world constantly, you'd hardly ever seen him. Of course it had taken its toll on him.

You only blamed him for not factoring how you felt into his decision to end things.

"He didn't even  _try_ to make things work," Lisa complained. She was definitely drunk. "He just ran off like a scared little boy when things got tough! And you just let him get away with it." She sat up, and you hurried to follow, but the alcohol made your head swirl. You were still blinking the swirling room back into place when Lisa dug her hand into your pocket and whipped out your phone.

"I'm calling him!" She announced. You rolled your eyes.  _There's no way she'd actually do it._ You'd only been her friend for a few months, but you knew her enough to know that. 

Or, at least you thought you did. Your eyes nearly bugged out of your head when she tapped several times on your screen and then brought the phone up to her ear. She tapped her foot as you heard the phone ring.

"Lisa-- what--  _what--"_ You spluttered, and you reached for the phone, but she hopped up and danced out of your grasp.  _Damn her,_ you thought. How could someone so tiny still be so coordinated after drinking so much vodka?

"Hello?"

You reached for the pillow against the headboard and smashed your face into it.  _No, no, no. This is not happening._

You halfway-heard a low rumble coming from the other side of the line. Your heart seized in your chest.

"Well, clearly not," Lisa responded. "This is Lisa. I'm using her phone." More rumbling. "Well, that's funny, considering if you wanted to talk to her so bad, you could have called her. You have a working phone, do you not?"

You smashed your head against the pillow again.

If you hadn't been so inebriated, you would have attempted to murder her.

Lisa allowed the male you assumed was Yixing to talk for a moment. Then: "Well, I know  _you."_ Her voice was rife with disgust. "It sounds like an accusation because it is an accusation." Rumble, rumble, rumble. Drunk, you thought of the rumbling telephones and adults in the Peanuts movies. "If you didn't want to be accused of anything, you never should have broken up with her in the first place."

_Kill me,_ you thought up at the sky. 

"Of course it's my business!" Lisa sounded affronted. "She's my best friend!"

Despite everything else going on at the moment and all of your mortification, you felt your heart flip at her words. She'd never called herself that before. You had a best friend? If you hadn't been too busy wishing for God to smite you, you would have smiled.

"Well, she never mentioned me because we met after you guys broke up." Only a small second of rumbling before Lisa cut him off. "Yeah, that's right. I'm the one who was there for her. Not you. So don't you take that tone with me, mister." The rumbling got a little louder. Was Yixing getting agitated? You'd never known him to raise his voice at someone. Even that terrible night when he'd broken your heart, he'd never yelled. "No. Excuse  _you._ Jeez. You know, I've been telling her for ages, but Y/N really is better off without you. You really fucked her over, you know that? She loved you. And you tucked tail and ran."

Okay. That was enough. You sprung up from the bed, and, fighting dizziness with sheer determination, you made your way to Lisa and snatched the phone from her hand.

You held it in your hand for a moment, frozen.  _That's Yixing on the line right now,_ you thought.  _Oh God. I'm on the line with Yixing. Oh my GOD._

Lisa scowled at you. "If you're going to steal it, you might as well use the damn thing," she grumbled, gesturing at the phone. Almost robotically, you brought the device to your ear.

On it, Yixing was speaking. Your heart flipped again. It was him. It was really him.

"... it really is none of your business," he said. Your heart constricted. His voice was hostile. He'd never sounded hostile before. There was silence on the line as he waited for Lisa to reply, but it was no longer Lisa on the line with him. It was you. And you had no idea what to say.

"... Yixing?" You whispered.

You could sense him pause. "Y/N?" His voice was instantly different. No longer hostile. Soft. Surprised.

On the bed, Lisa scoffed. "Fucker," she said. You ignored her.

"I'm here," you said, heart in your throat. Yixing was silent. "I'm sorry about Lisa. We've been drinking, and she..."  _She very much doesn't like you because you broke my heart._

"It's alright," Yixing said, even though it hadn't sounded alright from his tone just a few moments before. There was a pause. "I miss you, Y/N," he said after a moment, and your heart stopped.

Of all of the things you'd imagined he would say when you finally spoke again, that wasn't it. You imagined he'd lie:  _It's nice to see you._ You imagined he'd pity you:  _Are you okay?_

But you hadn't imagined that he'd miss you.

If Yixing was deterred by your silence, he didn't say it. "I miss you so much, Y/N," he said again. "It's been almost half a year, do you realize that? And I can't get you out of my mind. I miss you. I miss you, and I'm sorry."

You couldn't breathe. What could you say to that? What could you possibly say, when the man who had broken your heart and cut you out of his life said that he missed you? Should you cry? Beg for him to take you back? Tell him you missed him too?

You closed your eyes. "I have to go," you said quietly. "Goodbye, Yixing."

Sometimes, when planes crashed, you drowned.

But sometimes, you grabbed a fucking life vest and held on for dear life.

* * *

You were back in China. One year post-breakup, and you were living your life.

You and Lisa lived in an apartment not too far from the airport where you both worked. The two of you flew all over the world and had post-cards and souvenirs from cities on every continent. Your apartment was filled with knick-knacks from Japan, tchotchkes from Europe, gadgets and gizmos from America. Everytime someone visited, they were amazed by your unique collection.

And people visited all the time. Lisa had lots of friends-- none as close as you, she always said, with a smile and a nudge, but lots of friends, besides. Through Lisa, you made new friends and met new people. She was always trying to set you up with some nice guy or other, but you were never interested.

"You need to get over him!" She always scolded whenever you turned down her offers for blind dates with 'the nicest guy ever!!!'.

You always waved your hand at her. "It's not about Yixing," you said. And it wasn't. You just weren't interested.

You'd reconnected with some of Yixing's friends. A very energetic, very excitable boy named Baekhyun (whom you'd always liked) had reached out to you to let you know that him and some of Yixing's other friends had decided to form a band. They were playing their first gig tonight, and you had decided you wanted to go to support them. Just because you and Yixing had broken up did not mean that you needed to sever all ties of your life with him, you had realized.

Of course, Lisa didn't want you to go without her. 

"What if  _he's_ there!" She'd insisted. "You need moral support."

So you and Lisa were at a bar, watching as a band called EXO took the stage. You recognized some of the boys from Yixing's friend group, including Baekhyun and a nice boy named Chanyeol, who was playing the guitar. Your eyes slid over each member, and you gasped when you saw him.

Yixing. He was singing. One of the many boys singing, but still,  _he was there._

Lisa saw where you were looking and narrowed her eyes. "Fucker," she said.

You nudged her. "Don't," you said. "He said he was sorry. And it's been a whole year. Can't we put hard feelings behind us?"

Lisa grumbled.

Even if it had been a whole year, you found that matters of the heart were rarely so simple. Your heart ached the more you looked at him, and you longed to ask the bartender for a drink stronger than the hard soda you were drinking, but the last time you had mixed Lisa, Yixing, and alcohol, things had  _not_ gone well.

It was during the band's five minute break that he came over to you. He made a bee-line, actually, his eyes fixed on you, sweet as ever, but focused and sharp. Lisa rolled her eyes. "I can't be here for this," she said, and she grabbed her drink and made to leave, just as Yixing arrived.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Penis-head," she said, and then she disappeared into the crowd.

Yixing blinked. "Did that girl just call me a penis-head?"

It was the first thing he'd said to you in person since you'd broken up. You cracked a rusty grin. "That's Lisa," you said, by way of an explanation.

A look of understanding crossed Yixing's face. "And it all makes sense," he grumbled, throwing a look over his shoulder. He didn't seem to find her in the crowd, because he turned back to you. "She really doesn't like me, does she?"

You took a sip of your hard soda and tried to calm your heart. "Sometimes, I don't like you either," you said.

Yixing winced, but he nodded. "That's fair," he said. The music that the bar had put on the fill the silence while the band took its break filled the air between the two of you. You exhaled. You waited for Yixing to say something, maybe,  _I still miss you,_ but he said nothing.

You extended the olive branch. "You guys are really good," you said, and they were. You wouldn't be surprised if this band took off, big-time. You'd always believed in Yixing's singing, but before tonight, you'd only ever known him to sing to you in the privacy of the apartment you'd shared. You bit your lip. The memory wasn't necessarily painful, but it made you ache deep inside.

"Thank you," Yixing said, and you could tell it was sincere. "That means a lot, coming from you. I..." He scratched the back of his head. "I still remember singing for you," he said. He looked away from your eyes, as if he were embarrassed. "You were always a good audience."

"It's not hard to be a good audience when the performer is even better," you said, surprising yourself. Where was this flattery coming from? You meant it, but should you really be complimenting him? He had broken your fucking heart. Maybe you needed to take more after Lisa. Maybe you should call him a penis-head and then disappear into the crowd. He deserved it, didn't he?

Yixing seemed to notice you faltering. His eyes dulled, and he moved closer to you. "I'm really sorry, Y/N," he said, his voice soft, as soft as it could be in the music-filled bar. His eyes met yours again, and you resisted the urge to look away.  _It's fine,_ you wanted to say, even though it wasn't.  _It doesn't matter,_ you wanted to say, even though it did. "I shouldn't have done what I did," Yixing said. Your breath caught in your throat. "I should never have broken up with you. And I'm not saying that just because you're here, and you're more beautiful than you've ever been, and you're free to go home with anyone you like. I'm saying that because I love you. I always have. And I spend every day missing you and regretting what I did, what I said. Lisa was right, that night when she called. I was scared, and I ran away like a coward. I was scared, because you're always away, and I was insecure without you. I don't know what I thought-- that you would cheat on me, that you would forget about me? I don't know." He shook his head. "All I know is, I'm not scared anymore."

You couldn't breathe. Slowly, gently, Yixing reached for you, and he brushed the strands of your hair out of your eyes. "I miss you so much, Y/N. Please, give me another chance. I know I don't deserve you, but I'm begging." His hand fell away from your face. You wanted to cry. "I love you."

You bit your lip. "Yixing..." What the hell were you supposed to say to that? You were wondering, and then it hit you: who gave a damn what you were supposed to say?  _Say what you WANT to say, Y/N,_ you thought.

"I love you too," you breathed. You saw Yixing exhale, saw the tension leave his muscles. "I love you too, but now I'm the one who's scared. You-- you left me so  _easily._ Like I was nothing. I'm not sure if I can forgive you. I'm not sure if I can trust you."

Yixing's eyes were pained, but he nodded. "Let me make it better," he pleaded. "I know that trust is a thing built over time. I have plenty of time, Y/N."

You shook your head. "What if I never trust you again? I don't want to waste your t--"

Yixing grabbed your hand, and pressed it against his heart. "Waste my time, Y/N," he said firmly. "Waste my life away. I love you. I love you, and it's worth every wasted minute."

Behind Yixing, someone cleared their throat. The boy popped up by Yixing's shoulder, eyeing you with caution. "Break's over," he said to Yixing. It took a second for Yixing to respond, but after a moment, he nodded, his eyes still on yours.

"Be there in a second, Jongdae," he said. Jongdae seemed to want to complain, but after another look at Yixing's intense stare, he took a step back.

"This isn't over," Yixing said softly to you. Then, quickly, he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "I'll see you after the show?" He sounded so uncertain.

And he should. He had done you wrong. But he was also the sweet boy who had given you your first kiss, your first date. He was your first love.

Maybe even still your love.

You nodded. "See you after the show," you said, and with a smile, he broke away from you, heading back up to the stage. You watched him as he went, eyes so trained on his form that you hardly noticed when Lisa slid back into her seat at the bar.

"I hope you didn't get back together with him," she said disapprovingly, snapping you out of your reverie. When you glanced over, she was sniffing, her eyes narrowed. You wanted to laugh.

"I didn't," you said. Then, because she was your best friend, you added honestly, "But I might."

To your surprise, Lisa said nothing at first, just took a deep sip of her drink. Then, she said with a shrug, "I guess if he makes you happy, then I'm all for it." You started to grin. Then, she added: "He's still a penis-head, though."

You laughed. Then the band started to play again, and you were lost in the music.

This time, Yixing's was the only voice you could hear.

* * *

In Korea, you moved the first piece of furniture into the apartment you and Yixing had just bought.

Lisa was helping, cursing profusely as she did so and spitting her long hair out of her mouth. "Mother _fucker,"_ she exclaimed.

Yixing raised his eyebrows as he stalked in, his eyes surverying the two of you as you plopped the table down in the center of the entryway. "Charmed, as always," he said to Lisa. She grumbled at him.

"You're welcome," she said, letting go of the table. She pointed at it. "That thing is  _heavy."_

Yixing smiled, an easy grin on his face. "I'm sure," he said. Then, his eyes went to you. He took you in like you were all of the stars in the sky, glowing not just for him, but for everyone. He loved that about you. He no longer worried about you leaving him, and it wasn't just because you and Lisa had quit your jobs as flight attendants to work managing sections of the nearby airport.

"I'm tired of being jet-lagged!" Lisa had declared about a year prior.

"Agreed," you'd said.

So the two of you had moved on with your lives. You were entering a new chapter, one with both your love and your best friend by your side, in a new city where you got to still work in the business you'd grown so used to, but on your terms. As you'd predicted, Yixing's band had taken off-- EXO was now the talk of not just China, but Korea as well. The band had their first tour coming up, soon, so soon that Yixing left the next day.  _So soon,_ you repeated to yourself, melancholy. You were sad that he would be going away, but also so, unbelievably proud of him. You'd always known that he had it in him to shine. Now, it seemed, he was starting to know it too. It was just a shame, though, that the brighter he shined, the more he had to be away from you.

Yixing seemed to be thinking the same thing. "Hey, uh, Lisa?" He asked, a little hesitantly. No matter how much you tried to get the two to get along, Lisa just wouldn't quit her hostility (although it was more playful now), and Yixing could do nothing but walk on eggshells. Maybe in time, they'd become friends. You hoped so. "Do you think I could have a minute alone with Y/N?"

Lisa sneered. "I don't know, can you?" She asked. Then, she laughed at the look on his face. "Kidding, kidding. Knock yourselves out. I'm gonna go grab something light from the moving van, okay?"

You nodded. "Thanks," you said, and she waved it away. She was out the door in seconds, and then Yixing was kissing you.

"First kiss in our new home," you said, grinning against his mouth.

"The first of many to come," he promised, grinning too. Then, he rested his forehead against yours and looked into your eyes. "I wish I didn't have to leave you," he said.

You thought about it for a moment. "I know," you said. "But it'll be okay. I trust you. I trust  _us."_

Yixing reached for your hand and squeezed it. "I do too," he said. And you knew he meant it.

You knew that there were no guarantees in love. That loving someone was always a risk, especially someone with a career like Yixing, someone with aspirations and dedication like you. You were both flight risks, but that was okay.

Some risks are just worth taking.


End file.
